2012 passed by quickly, did it not? Think about it, just you, entering a new year and not knowing what was going to happen. And now here you are, reading a post posted on the 23rd of December. Believe it or not, I still remember my first day of school vividly, as if it happened just a few days ago.
I can’t imagine having to go through SPM next year. I’ve made a promise to God, my parents & myself that I’ll work as hard as I can. Someone please punch me if I break this promise. I’m surrenderring my phone on the weekdays so I’ll have more time to study instead of Tweeting or Tumblring. Though I seem so excited, I don’t know if I’ll even survive the whole year with this routine. But well, best luck to myself and all the other ’96s for SPM. Lets kick ass!
“What if its all gone? The feelings, the eye-sex, the i-dont-mind-you-being-you attitude, the staying up all nights, the long late night conversations, the never ending texts. Everything. What if I don’t want those with him anymore? What if I’ve completely lost the love for him?
Things have gone perfectly but, I just don’t feel the love being there anymore. I feel as if it was still going on because we’re used to having each other and not because of the love between us. I’ve never been so sure of something so bad. I never thought we’d ever end but, here we are, hanging on by a thread. Maybe you don’t see it yet but I have. I realize that you and I both can survive without each other. You and I both can make it far without having each other by our side. You and I both are just not meant for each other.
I get it now. I get why we would fight over the silliest things. I get why we are never on the same page everytime we discuss on our opinions. I get why you never laugh at my jokes, why you never play along when I’m being cheeky. I get why I don’t see you as a sexgod anymore and why you never even try to make me feel happy anymore. I get it now, because we’re not soulmates. We’re not made to complete the other half. We’re not destined to unite forever.
But of course, I loved you. I loved spending time with you. I loved every moment we were together, for better or worse. I loved seeing your sincere smile shining underneath the hot, blazing sun. I loved the way when you sit down, with one hand on my thighs, gripping them because you wanted to touch me so bad. I loved our long conversations, the ones we talked about our plans together, our favorite things, and our great memories. I loved the way you talk to me, so soft and gentle, so bad words and all. I loved that you were there for me when I needed you. And I never stopped hoping you felt the same way back at me.
I can’t love you now because I know you wont love me the way I loved you. And maybe, I can’t love you the way you want me to. But, I’ll always be there, somewhere deep in your mind and heart. I’ll remain as a memory in your life just as you’ll be in mine. I hope for nothing but the best for you and your future. I wish you a great life ahead without me being by your side. “
Alhamdulillah, Yuna noticed our video. :)
10th November 2012.
Got to see the one and only; Yunalis Zarai live in Penang.
The whole night turned from tiring to extraordinarily fun. Waited 3 hours outside the gates (it rained too) and 3 more hours inside until the opening acts; (Kyoto Protocol & Diandra) to come up and perform. My cousin, Nana & I complained. Our feet were sore, our body ached but, when Yuna was up, the only thing we worried about was losing our voices. L O L ! The night ended great, though we were sticky, smelly & hot. Oh! And we made a video too; check it out!
As much as I hate missing you, I always do. Yes, I can text, tweet or call you but its just not the same without having you physical right by my eyes. But do you feel the same when I’m not around? What sucks so much is that I’ll never be able to crack your little head and read whatever is in your mind. Am I in it? Does my name circle around your thoughts when you’re not with me? What about my face? Because every time I’m away, you always seem to appear in my head.
I’ve not been feeling well, lately. I cry and cry all the time. And trust me, its not because I don’t get to see you all the time but its because when I do get to see you, we have nothing to talk about. Or maybe when we do, my jokes dont really please you in any way. It worries me. I’m scared if you’ll leave me. I’m afraid of what may happen because no one can ever know. And like I said, I wish I could crack your little head so that I could see what you’re thinking about. I hate that you hate telling me things. It hurts because I don’t know if you’re being real with me. I don’t know what you’re thinking and how you plan to be in the future. So, here I am. Sulking. Telling the internet my problem because I’m sure as hell you wont understand. I know how much I fail to express myself whenever I’m with you so, writing/typing is the best way for me.
I love you, always. x
My finals are killing me. I used to be excited but now, I take it all back.
The twenty sixth of September 2012.
Loving you was never a mistake. Loving you is like being able to have candy every single day; never sad and always sweet. Its been more than a hundred days now and everything we through together was never a waste. If I could go back, I wouldn’t take the chance because maybe then I wouldn’t know what I should have done. I have done the right things, so of course, I don’t want to go back. Thank you for all the things you’ve done to make me happy & making things better when I needed someone to be my shoulders.
I love you, forever and always, Zarith.